


too late for second-guessing

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Shippy Gen, Tumblr Prompt, spoilers for 5x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22380796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: anon prompt: Kara and Brainy - “I would love you in any shape, in any world, with any past. Never doubt that.”
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Querl Dox
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	too late for second-guessing

**Author's Note:**

> so it took me a little while to write something for 5x10, but I loved the episode so much that I had to try my best with one angle from it anyway! And I hope you all like it.
> 
> (also shout-out to my friend Elektra for helping me with an idea for this thing, thank you so much, you're the best and I envy your writing talents)

He hadn’t spoken to Kara.

That wasn’t entirely true- they had exchanged greetings, in the days since he’d truly become uninhibited, and they had coordinated with one another in monitoring the city, and she had thanked him when he’d brought her dinner while she was working over-time to expose Lex Luthor, but other than that, they were completely avoiding the subject of what had happened.

Of who he had become, after the Crisis.

And he knew that, technically, it had been part of his female doppelganger’s plan, for him to give up everyone he cared for. It was why he had broken up with Nia- that, and one other reason that had become clear to him once he’d removed his inhibitors once and for all. But he still worked with Alex, and though there had been no game nights or times when their group of friends had gone to movies or done karaoke in the time since then, he theorized that he still would have joined them in what they were doing.

Even if, in the adjustment he was going through, he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate such situations. It was as though his whole life, or at least since he was eight years old, he had lived underwater, and now he was finally coming up for air. Or like his mind had been placed in a bottle, and someone had opened the lid.

(He was still attempting to figure out a proper metaphor for his situation.)

But whatever the case was, he still hesitated to speak with his friends about his true self. If he could even call them his friends, anymore, since the person they’d known for two years had effectively been replaced.

The Brainiac 5 they were familiar with, as much as it hurt to consider, hadn’t been real. Like he had never considered himself a real child, he wasn’t a real adult either. He was only what they would have called a robot, an artificial being unable to feel as much as his flesh-and-blood counterparts.

Although, in reality, he had spent such a long time reconciling with both his organic and technological sides, and only now had them working in harmony with one another.

As late in his life as this situation was, though, he remembered Kara’s words- that he was still loved, inhibitors or not, and thus he shouldn’t be afraid to go to her.

So, ultimately, he wasn’t.

~

“Kara?” he eventually asked.

When she looked at him, it was with relief, and he too felt relief, as well as warmth all throughout him. Of course she still wanted to talk to him, and was glad he was talking to her. He could see it in her eyes, and he was grateful for her.

“What is it, Brainy?”

“Honestly… what do you think of me now?” he asked. “Knowing what you do, and seeing my true self.”

Kara’s hand landed on his arm, sending a shiver through his body.

“I think it’s great.” She said. “You’re great. And I’m really happy for you.”

“You are?”

_But my mother-_

_but my father-_

_but my past-_

_But none of them limit me anymore_.

“Sure I am.” And his arm was gently squeezed, in a way that brought a smile to his face, seeing the kindness on hers.

“You know, I don’t think I ever considered it in those terms before, but… I was inhibited too, when I was a kid.”

Querl nodded.

“Your first years on Earth, yes.” He said. “Before you became Supergirl.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Kara answered. “I… my Earth father, Jeremiah, gave me these.”

She took off the glasses she was wearing and gave them to Querl, allowing him to examine them- which he did, before handing them back to Kara. She accepted them, but didn’t put them back on.

“They are lined with lead.” Querl answered.

“They are.” Kara said. “When my powers first came in… it was terrifying. My mother- my Kryptonian mother, Alura- told me I was going to have great power on Earth, because of the yellow sun, but I didn’t understand what that meant. I was focused on protecting Kal-El, and being who my mother wanted me to be- someone who would do extraordinary things- and I couldn’t think of actually living under another sun, having to take care of my cousin on a world that I didn’t understand.”

“And then your pod got knocked off-course.” Querl finished.

A small sigh escaped Kara.

“It did.”

_And it was my relative who brought you and Fort Rozz out of the Phantom Zone._

Kara continued, turning the glasses over and over in her hands.

“So… Eliza and Jeremiah, being scientists, helped me understand my powers. Or at least, they said they did. But they also told me not to use them.”

“Not even to help people?”

“Yeah. All I wanted to be when I was thirteen, once I saw my cousin and everything he could do, was a superhero, just like him. The most powerful girl in the universe. And I tried helping out, when I could. Alex and I even solved a murder once, when we were in high school. But most of the time early on, I didn’t really care as much as I should’ve about school, or rules, or living with my new family. I just wanted to escape.”

“But you could not.”

“Right. So my only other option was to- to blend in, and since Kal-El wore glasses in his secret identity, it only made sense for me to wear them too- even though I didn’t have a superhero alter ego yet. And when Alex got hurt while I was trying to help, Jeremiah gave me the glasses. They suppress my vision, and… well, they certainly did their job, to make me fit in. And I know suppressing your vision is a far cry from suppressing your personality, but I get it. And I’m sorry.”

“But the glasses help you.” Querl answered. “You blend in for the protection of yourself and your loved ones. My inhibitors just made me weak. Kept me from reaching my true potential, made me an outcast among my kind.”

 _Only a servant of another species would wear them,_ he always heard. _Someone who was forced to lower themselves because their masters were afraid of who they truly were._

Like, for example, the Coluans who served the Kryptonians prior to Krypton’s destruction.

Not even he, as a child, could escape such a standard.

“I didn’t always think they helped.” Kara said. “They did, on a practical level. Kept me from staring at people too much, or accidentally seeing stuff I didn’t want to, until I could control my powers enough to keep myself from doing that. But I hated him for thinking that I wasn’t responsible for my powers, and so I kept rebelling, when I could get away with it. But one night…”

She kept the glasses in one place, then, and placed her other hand on Querl’s arm, as if to steady herself.

“I had it all planned out. Eliza and Jeremiah thought we were asleep, and they were too distracted by whatever Earth science stuff they were working on to pay any attention to Alex and I. So we were going to go flying. And, for a while, it was perfect. We flew so far, almost touching the water… Alex was always so cautious, she didn’t want me to get in trouble, but I told her we wouldn’t.”

“And you did?”

Kara nodded.

“I knew they wanted to protect me.” She said. “But they also let me off easy, while lecturing Alex for not trying hard enough to keep me safe- and I wanted to protest, but… that was when there was a knock at our door. Jeremiah told us to go upstairs, and Eliza told Alex to make sure I didn’t use my super-hearing. So I followed their instructions, and when Alex and I came down to breakfast in the morning… Jeremiah was gone. Eliza wouldn’t tell us why.”

“Kara…” Querl said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Alex blamed me for his disappearing.” Kara answered. “And after he didn’t come back for a few years, Eliza told us that he died. For years, I thought… I thought that people had taken him because they were after me. That he died, and it should’ve been me instead. I completely believed that it was my fault, and that Alex and Eliza weren’t safe either. All because of my very presence in their house.”

Kara put her glasses back on, and gently held Querl’s hands.

“I did my best to blend in after that. Until I was in National City, working for Cat Grant, and my sister was going to die if I didn’t save her and the plane she was on from crashing.”

“You saved it as though it were your own pod. You couldn’t stand to see people suffer worse than you did, so you decided to reveal your abilities to the world, and have become an inspiration to countless beings across the universe.”

“Never thought about it like that before, but… yeah.” She said. “The point is, neither of us are children anymore, and we have control of our own lives. You are a hero, Querl Dox. You have inspired people and saved lives, with and without inhibitors. And I want you to know that I would love you, in any shape, in any world, with any past.”

He stared at her, barely managing to smile, before she kissed his forehead.

“Never doubt that.”

“I won’t.” he said.

And he didn’t want to. Coming from _her_ , he certainly didn’t.

But he still had to consider what she would say once she found out his secret, the one box he still kept hidden from the rest of the world- whether or not she would feel the same.

He wasn’t supposed to, however, so for the moment he quieted such thoughts.


End file.
